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Another Movie Challenge, and questioning my Career: My March Wrapup

Hey Whores;

March has been an interesting month to say the least. I began and finished the second, (can't really call it annual), spooftober. and I realized how much I really fucking hate my job. 

That's a bit reductive and I'm not going to get too into the paint with it but there have been a lot of things, both big and small. That have really made me realize how much I am ready to move on from the position. So hopefully by the time this article has been posted I will have already began my last two weeks. 

Note: That's an inditement of me not finishing this article not me NOT quiting my job. Thats def happening Babes. 

In other small news I have began hitting the gym. I'm not quite great at it but also when I'm doing some trat pulls in the mirror my arm muscles flex a little and honestly Imma say it. i'd fuck me. thats hot. 

Its also been really nice to spend some time with friends and hang out and I'm trying my best to continue and grow my friendships outside of the workplace. It ain't easy but it's something y'know. 

Also I watched a ridicoulous amount of Netflix this month. on top of everything. Thats like 7 fucking shows or something. Heads up for April its only a week in and I am already finished like two docu-series. We are here to demolish my watchlists this year. 

Speaking of which...

The Watchlist

 Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)

Referenced: Candyman (1992)

The Quote: 'In the other production corner many words of praise can be said for the work of Philip Glass who provided the score for Candyman and its sequel Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh(1995).'

I thought what might be a smart idea, (I have those occasionally) for the Reference Watchlist is to actually anaylsis how I used these references in the past. Why did I bring them up? How do I feel about my older reviews? Am I a better writer then I was almost 4 or 5 years ago. (Dear God I hope so).

One thing I find fascinating about the original context of this reference is that apparently Philip Glass did the music for the sequel? What? I did not notice. 

The OG Candyman's score is fantastic. It's etherial, almost ecclesiastic, and subtle. It's a Glass soundtrack, he very much deals in the ambient. It creates an almost mythic backing to Candyman, a work which deals very much in the realms of stories and powers beyond our own. 

But lets talk about the good stuff what's the sequel about Ryen???

Farewell to the Flesh makes a lot of changes. It moves the location to New Orleans. Changes the Main Character from a white female anthopologist ... to a white female teacher. and also rewrites Candyman's back story a little bit. 

Reading back my LB review on this I want to focus on the identity of Candyman from the first film. So much of the early part of the original film is questioning whether or not Candyman is real? Or if its a mantle that people take on over and over again. A boogeyman that can represent a lot of things. That's why people were getting there dicks chopped off in public restrooms. I think the issue that the proceeding films miss is that ambiguity. That Candyman is Danielle Robitaille but he isn't just Robitaille. He isn't just a man with a hook. He's a cypher for cyclical violence, for ghetoization, for lyching. He's a symbol. 

This film doesn't understand the deeper ideas of the first film. They literalize the killer and put it over a crackerjack albiet atmospheric Jezebel (2014) plot and the end product is ultimately a middle of the road 80s style slasher. 

Sequel Frequels Guys.

Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)

Referenced: Cabin Fever (2016)

Quote: "Kevin Riepl, (who also worked on Cabin Fever: Patient Zero(2014)), did a fantastic job with the scoring of the film."

God, Cabin Fever one of my first reviews. 

One I don't love this review much anymore. I think if I rewatched this film I wouldn't like it as much as I did. There is such a naivity to the writing. For Instance, I don't remember what the 'n-word controversy' means anymore and I'm too scared to ask. Also I am deeply fascinated about my lament over 'Screecy Violens playing Top Fiddle' I stand by that pun but I also flabbergasted by my rather low opinion of horror. Despite this review being in the middle of me watching a lot of truly fantastic horror movies I still had this very 2000s sentiment that all horror movies where full of jump scares and cheap music stings, (thats the cool term for it).  Honestly sounds like a skill issue. That doesn't happen to me now because I only watch Good Movies. By which I mean Zombies Vs Strippers (2012) and Basket Case 2 (1990).

I guess I should probably review this movie now?

God, I watched Cabin Fever 2 as well because I'm a pervert who believes in watching movie series in order and neither of these are worth the time. CF2, is basically just making Prom Night 5: Betty Lou's Anthax Outbreak, but also those boomers that make high school movies was sitting in the room. Cabin Fever 3 has some promise as a bachelor party in Mexico stumbling upon a seemingly abandoned island that is actually hiding patient zero of a flesh-eating virus. I feel like its trying to be [REC] (2007) but its coming off as [REC] 3.5, (that would be between the one at the wedding and the one where there on a boat). What I'm saying is that it's a boring, sleezy movie that also has that 2000s flaw of having really clean footage with little stylization or color grading so that every scene comes off the same. By which I mean artificial and plastic. Don't watch the sequels guys. 

Most Dangerous Game (1932)

Quote: 'Most Dangerous Game not to be confused with the 1932 Movie is a Action-thriller staring Liam Hemsworth (The Hunger Games) where he has be the survivor of a dangerous game of Cat-and-Mouse to save his pregnant wife.'

Aw Quibi, Back when I was trying to be commercial and not a dumb slut on the internet. 

I still like Quibi as a concept. It was stupid and just an insane marketing venture. Who let these bitches graduate business school? But I was having fun. Forever will mourn that I never get to see the weird Spielberg show that only appeared after midnight. 

I did eventually review this 'show' on the blog and honestly while I like the situp what I did get to watch from the Quibi version was rather ho-hum. There's a joke that Quibi just bought films and cut them up into little pieces. So if  you buy into the theory; I had just watched the first half hour of a movie over the course of a week in 5 minute segments. (Quibi what where you???)

So what's the original like???

Most Dangerous Game is one of those plots that gets adapted over and over and over again and so you can't go into this film without knowing what the most dangerous game... actually is. 

Objectively this film is fairly decent. It has a nice tension to it. A sort of '30s camp thats definetly helped by Leslie Banks chewing the furniture as an insane Russian count, (Its a very Karloff role we stan), overall it's a really fun bit of pulp camp horror. In retrospect I actually really like this film. 

But I stand by my previous ascertation that its hard to feel the horror of this film. Mostly because I have seen so many amazing takes on this concept that the original gets obliterated in contrast. For Christ Sake, fuck the absolutely suckerpunch of the Dollhouse version, how does this compare to that episode of Futurama where Bender gets hunted like a fox. Thats some Lars von Trier shit right there. 

Definetly would recommend if your trying to flesh out your older horror films watchlist. 

The Purge

Quote: 'Two great examples are "Tutorial" and "Hide" both which deal partly with the ideas of home invasion. Some movies in the Genre can be confusing (i.e The Purge(2013)) with turning labyrinthine walls and poor angles, others are fantastic (I.E Hush(2016)) telegraphing the locations and making it clear the relative location of the characters.'

This is another one of those reviews that looking back I'm not in love with, (honestly take a shot everytime I use the phrase 'crisp visuals') but also I really don't like how I used the Purge in this instance. 

Because hey bitchessssssss. I had never seen the Purge. Um thats why I'm reviewing it now because thats the literal premise of the Reference Watchlist Challenge. I know exactly where I got that phrasing. It was from the CinemaSin's video on the topic. It very much was me adopting an opinion of a film that I had never seen and drawing my own conclusions from the very small snapshot they gave. My review implies a level of intention behind The Purge's ambigious layout, but CS critiques where very much in the negative. That the way TP shot locations was non-sensical and un-sightreadable. 

Honestly I think it's 1. A stupid criticism and 2. kinda a moot point. 

There are siturations where knowing where exactly a character standing in a room is important and there's siturations where it's really not. I don't need to know the exact layout of the Purge house anymore then I need to know the exact layout of The Mystery Shack, (no matter how much I liked watching Veilskibum95 figure it out). Its not relevant to the plot. 

I will give detractors this, that the last half of the film really is a bunch of people fighting in dark hallways and ultimately The Purge fails when it tries to be an action film. It's a story with a really interesting, (and honestly heavy-handed), concept and a really shitty execution of Ethan Hawke beating up the Manson family.

I think it's interesting how I hadn't truly formed my own opinions as a critic at this point in my writing. That instead of being able to draw on my own expeience and expertise I was drawing from the works of other critics I had read. Often about films I was only vaguely aware of. It's interesting to see how one grows as a writer. 

The Grudge (2004)

Referenced: Slasher Season 1

Quote: 'The soundtrack is fairly sparse but giving the difference between the audiences of say the Grudge(2004) and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist(2008) the lack of Summertime bops in a show about people getting slice and diced is forgivable'


God I love a dumb little turn of phrase but I really had such an issue with name dropping in these earlier articles. Bitch what does that have to do with the soundtrack? I think a big thing about these earlier reviews was that I insisted on writing in a format that made me talk explicetly about the cinematography and scoring and I just didn't have a lot to say on that front hence weird sentences like this. 

So let's talk about the Grudge. I don't remember anything what the music was like in it. 

In the last couple years I have had a chance to watch more of the panned J-horror remakes and for the most part I love all of them Peter De Salles Dark Waters, Gore Virbinski's The Ring, and here is where I would put a third example if I had seen one. 

The Grudge is a bit different from the other examples 1. because it is a remake by the same director and 2. I don't actually like it that much. 

The plot is non-linnear which makes it hard for me to follow, (or frankly care about the characters), and overall I had a hard time understanding where all the pieces really fit into each other. Its a bit like Feradotcom(2002). There are some really interesting visuals. I like the style and atmosphere. But heaven forbid I try to explain the plot to you. 

Well they can't all be winners and thats why where getting into.... 

The Rest

Miraculous Ladybug Season 4 (2021)

While I'm trying to be a good boy and only watch films on my Netflix Watchlist I had to make a special exception for Season 4 of ML. 

God if you ain't into the fandom meta girlies. I am so sorry for the following sentences bitch. SPOILERS WHORES. 

So this season is really trying to do the most. Where talking stakes, where talking plot. There was something about how each episode was meant to have a SHOCKING SPOOPY TWIST. and this is met with various levels of success. Because in one episode, Hawkmoth literally attempts to murder someone's entire family to get to Ladybug and then two episodes later, she 'has' to give out multiple miracoulises during a cutscene because and I can't make this up, she needs more players for her soccer team. 

What really gets me this season is its imbalance of tone. ML has always toed an ackward phase between wanting to be a YA superhero cartoon with tight writing and a lighter comedic school show. It can be sappy and maudlin at times but what was satisfrying was the internal logic of its format. Of seeing how the characters solved the villian of the week. 

Season 3 took a sharp turn by deconstructing a lot of the central tension of the work. It unrove the love square and honestly the show was better for it. The characters felt like they had grown past, there initial and honestly kinda toxic dynamics. It was honestly an amazing setup and I had high expectations for this season. 

and I didn't get that. I felt like the show regressed so much in so many different ways. Because you would get these episodes of simply amazing writing that felt like a natural extention of the script writing of the first season but then you'll just have this absolutely moronic episodes full of cheap asinine humor. They try to force the characters back into the Love Square and honestly it doesn't work. You can't put the genie back into the bottle. You cant spend several seasons evolving your story from episodic slice of life to a complex drama and then expect to go back to monkeyshines. 

It very much feels like there were two different writing teams or they for some god forsaken reason felt like they needed to add filler episodes cause lets be honest they really didn't. 

On a smaller note this season also attempted to deal with mature themes, such as climate change and racial profiling. In general while I appreciate the sentiment, its always hard to avoid afterschool special energy and the messagings are so toothless and anodyne that it feels practically insulting. 

This was just a very mixed season overall.

Unsolved Mysteries Season 3 (2022)

A reboot of the long running docu-drama series, Netflix's Unsolved Mysteries stands as a long form documentary format with each episode being about an hour long.

Theres not much to add in terms of content or specific topics. If your've watched one of these shows you've seen them all. In general most of these docu-drama shows got three speeds. 

1. Is Murder Mystery Cold Case, usually where its ruled as an accidental death but the context and evidence is confusing as much as it's conflicting. How did this man jump off of a 42nd floor building that was locked. How did this girl disappear from her front yard and wind up 4 miles away on these train tracks. Why did the death commisioner deem this a suicide when he was shot by a shotgun against the side of the head and theres no biological residue in the boat? btw these are all real cases. 

2. Is weird paranormal shit which is always fun This season includes Alien Abduction and Paranormal Rangers. 

3. Is honestly just fucked up real life shit thats way to close to home. This season was on Parental Abductions which was done very well and apparently actually managed to solve a case. This shows up in a lot of shows. Haunted for instance starts its first season off with two daughters recounted there memories of living with there father, a literally serial killer and a later episode is mostly haunted by a man's memories of his time in a gay conversion camp. Baby doll I was here for like haunted dolls and shit. 

Overall if your a fan of this genre, Your'll like Unsolved Mysteries. Its popcorn docs at its best. 

Flavorful Origins (2019)

A Three Season documentary series about different regional cuisines of China. 

This was an absolutely lovely time. Flavorful Origins runtime is short only 10 - 15 minutes per episode and instead of watching this piece meal QUIBI style I ended up watching them a season at a time. Vegged out on the couch. 

There's something hypnotising about the work. The bucolic framing of the landscape, the making of the food. The way that ingredients shape said landscape and the cuisine. It's almost like learning a language. Beginning to understand its rules and grammer. 

If anything I find the work interesting not just because of its educational format but because of the way they've really broken down regional cuisine into these disparate parts. It shows such a cerabal and elevated understanding of the topic and it makes me question my own understanding of my cultures cuisines. 

I definetly recommend it for any cooks out there. 

Blown Away Season 4 (2024)

I am a big fan of this show having binged the first three seasons and the christmas special. Lets get into the seasons changes. First off they've changed the host which you know I hate. 

now now, it really depends on how it effects the dynamic. When Glow Up changed its host to Leomie Anderson she slotted pretty much in place with the role. The Glow Up host is a supermodel. She gives supermodel advice and is just super cool and hot. 

Nick Uhas character type was boyish, cute, and very laid back. He would make silly puns and give everyman opinions. He very much was a grounding point for the more cerabal criticism of the work. I'm not sure what to get out of Hunter March. Because hes feels much more Self-serious then Uhas. He can't replace that dynamic but i also don't find him to be a strong enough personality to add a level of nuance to the show. Thats a lot of words to say that I'm mad they took away the eye candy. March is fine I guess. 

The Contestant Roster was a bit hit or miss for me. Season 2 and 3 had such a strong sense of character and outside of The Winner; Karen Willenbrink-Johnsen as this effervescent Master of the craft; and Gemma Hollister, as a spunky but determined youth there isn't a lot of contestants I honestly remember. Its not a poor season by any means but this is off of the back of Season 3 which honestly was a high for the show. It was a really strong season. 

One thing that was really nice was a micro challenge near the end. They should definetly let people out of the hot shop occasional. Its nice to take a break. 

Komi Can't Communicate (2021)

Ah an Anime so that you can know how much of a weeb I am. 

Komi Can't Communicate is a slice-of-life comedy about a socially anxious girl, Komi Shōko, who despite being functional mute, wants to make 100 friends before she graduates high school. The only problem, (besides the whole not talking thing), is that her demeanor makes everyone too intimidated to talk to her. 

Also I do need to be clear here. Komi is straight up 'UwU what if everyone secretly hates me' when literally the entire class treats her as a goddamn goddess. (Thats not a joke, like they literally elect her as there 'class goddess' because class president is to banal for her). Anxiety Qweeen. 

Overall KCnC is a pretty enjoyable moe Slice-of-life fare. It's a comedy with some sickenly cute energy from Komi, a cast of characters that are entertaining as long as there not horny, (I'm looking at you Yamai), and some chill vibes. If your into that kind of thing I'd check it out. 

Project Runway Season 17 (2019)

My first introduction to Project Runway was pretty good actually. 

I am a fan of the howyousay Haute Couture though my knowledge of the actually scene is rather limited besides Vivian Westwood and Elsa Schiaperelli, (omg this is like the time I commented the last two celebrities saved on my phone and it was Heather Langenkamp and fucking Asta Nielsen). What I'm getting at is that I live and die for a good pantsuit. 

Unlike the later fashion competitions they inspired like Next In Fashion, PR is strongly in thee toxic 2000s contest show headspace (by which I mean unnessary messy drama what is this Untucked?), the host is Christian Siriano, a faustian twink, by which I mean he is the literal devil. Also apparently he won season four... wow I do not know the lore of this show. In fairness Siriano is a rather interesting figure for the host trope as not only is he rather opinionated, voicing his distaste for certain fabrics, he often times is right? Like he isn't really a heel in the traditional sense. He's not an ass just to be an ass. His criticism comes from a place of knowing the competition and overall I began to have a burgioning respect for this man. He adds a level of roughage to the show. 

In other cast interest is the inclusion of Mimi Tao, the shows first transgender model. 

1. I am very dissapointed that it has taken this long to include a trans model. Sources, (antique articles from the 2000s), have informed me that this is one of those 'gay shows'. I mean I'm gay for Gunner Deathridge so it makes sense.

 2. not to be weird about women but. OMFG she's like so fucking pretty. 

In terms of the competition itself theres not to much to say. A series of contestants make outfits and then get eliminated one by one. Some characters I like and some I don't and the final was pretty solid.  

How to Build a Sex Room (2022)

Ok you know I had to. 

HtBaSR is exactly what it sounds like, a reality show where Melanie Rose, interior designer, goes to peoples houses and makes them Sex Rooms. and as a Queer Pervert I really do like this. 

Melanie Rose is the most sex positive pervert I've ever met. She looks like a female Jamie Oliver and carries butt plugs in her purse. This one chick was like 'weeee I like golden showers' and she was like 'uhhh finally an honest to goodness pervert' and I love that for her. 

Ok heres the thing are you into BDSM. Do you like freaky sex. Would you own Tom of Finland posters and put them in your bathroom? If you a freak then your going to have fun its just couples talking about there sex lives while an old british women frolicks around with sex toys. 

I think some parts of this show are almost too much. Her need to always buy you sex toys, (like in the single life episode) and some spaces feel too editorial for realistic living, (the sprinter van comes to mind), but at the end of the day I'm here for this fae queen to show you the insane sex room she made you. It has a coffee table with an ass print on it. You can't get that at home folks. 

Creeped Out Season 2 (2019)

A sequel to the warmly received middle grade horror anthology. Wait didn't I write an Article for this?

While I had a hard time getting through the first episode with its 'the magic thread' plot, once i got past that roadbump there were some really lovely stories to be told. If I had to pick two as essential viewing it would have to be 'the many place' and 'tilly bone'. 

This season absolute feels just as strong as the original season and I had a surprisingly fun time with it. 

Deaf U (2020)

ok lets make this quick. I'm starting to get tired, (definetly not because its taken my two weeks to write this article). 

Deaf U is a docuseries following several college students at Gallaudat University, a historical deaf school. 

To be clear this is not an educational program about Deaf Education or something lame . This is in fact a messy drama about messy incredible hot people who just so happen to be deaf. girl you every heard a silent argument? well get ready to with this show. 

There is a focus on how each of the subjects deal with navigating both the insular culture of the deaf community and the hearing world in general. I will also say that the show, (at least in the opinion of this filthy hearing-boy), is deaf-friendly, (thank god). The camera work makes the signing very clear and the music selection includes bass-heavy music. The casting also includes a pretty wide variety of deaf community members. 

Loss of Hearing is a complicated thing and this show makes a point to include people that have lost there hearing later on in life. Theres also discussion about how verbility, the use of C.I (cochlear Implants), and hearing family plays into social perception. 

I really enjoyed this show and I would love to know what any of my Deaf/Hard of Hearing readers felt about it. 

Anyway whores I will see you in a couple weeks time and I'll let you know how the job hunt is going. (I imagine amazingly because I am a positive person.) k byeeeeee. 

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